Anniversaries--Good? Bad? or just life?!!

     As people we are creatures of habit.  We mark our lives by events that have happened to us.  We hear a song and it takes us to a place, a person, an event usually in our past.  Generally to our youth.  We smell or see certain foods and we remember good times spent with those we love.  Sometimes we even see material  things that take us to a place we feel good, safe, happy and  all those other feelings you have with memories.
     This time of year is ripe with memories.  We think of our youth with friends and family and times spent, foods eaten, places visited and so on. Special  events are given more prominence in our memories and we usually pause at that shrine ( at least symbolically) as that event nears its prominence in our memory.  We generally call these events anniversaries.  Sometimes we can remember these events right down to the last detail and recall them with fondness.  We also remember anniversaries with pictures, video etc.  It's those feelings in the heart that picture cannot capture that is most important.  I remember when my oldest brother was getting married.  I never knew him that well when we were growing up.  Yes we were in the same house and went to the same schools and church etc.  We were just different back then and I suppose never really connected.  We have connected many years later in life and so that is the positive sidebar to that story.  When he was getting married it was my parents 25th wedding anniversary in the same month.  So his brides parents had a surprise party for them in the guise of getting together to finalize wedding preparations. Great memory . We received a picture in the mail the other day from a cousin.  The picture was taken prior to us leaving Calgary.  The girls were so young and my mother in law was in the picture.  That's an anniversary that we remember well.  We did not know at that time the change we were going to go through just afew months later with our move to Phoenix.  We all have different anniversaries that we remember.  Some are happy and joyful while others are painful and time only takes the sting away but the memory sometimes can take your breath away like you are right in the midst of the event.  My girls were young when my mom died.  Our oldest 2 girls remember her and some of the things she impacted their lives with.  She loved music and reading.  She had  a great voice-- no an amazing voice. She loved to read and would read with and to the girls when she was with us. Our youngest daughter learns about her when I tell them about her and we see family pictures .  She loved Christmas and  always wanted the family to have a good time together.  The sting of losing her sometimes is so fresh it's palpable.  The anniversaries of life achievements are awesome and help move us on in life.  This week I marked another anniversary.  It has been 2 years since I was involved in my car accident. These past 2 years were interesting now that I look back.  I realized more than ever that I have an amazing husband.  He stepped up and went way beyond what others would and have done.  He stayed with me at home for 3 months and made sure I recovered, my basic needs and more were met,he looked after our Christmas festivities and any other thing that came in our focus.  He sacrificed so much and never halted in any way shape or form.  He cooked he cleaned, did the laundry, shopped, looked after the dogs,went with me to all of my medical appointments and so much more.  So even though this is a anniversary I wish I did not have it solidified a truth that I always knew--I have a great guy, a great partner, and great dad for our girls and a solid man.  28 and counting Dan, Thanks and I love you.  

Changes

     It's always been interesting to me how we react to change and what that change does in our lives.  When I was younger(much younger) our family made a major change.  We moved across Canada for my dad's work.  We went from the Prairies to the Maritimes.  Major change.  Difficult in every way but the results down the road of life have been great and well worth it.  I have found that I love being by the water and find it so relaxing.  The places we lived were beautiful and the people were wonderful.  After some initial adjustments we were part of the community.  We belonged.  Like many I have been through many changes.  Obviously every day is a change and the possibilities are endless for change.  We've all heard that change can be good or bad.  Whatever!!  Change is change and I think the real issue is how we choose to deal with it. I must admit that I have not always done well with change whether it is one I have chosen or one that is placed upon me.  I remember when I got married I had a brand new car.  I bought it my self and was so proud of it and myself.  I was a student and was able to get a loan all by myself without my parents cosigning for me.  So I get married and we decide to put the car in both our names.  OMG!! You would have thought the world stopped or something big happened.  I cried and cried over that change and what that meant to me.  Yes I did go through with the change and obviously got over that little issue(thank God).  Throughout the years there have been many changes.  Careers and jobs, changes in addresses and adding children to our twosome.  Alot of change in my life has been planned.  I organize my life(for the most part) and try to maintain that in every aspect.  When we moved as a family to Phoenix that was a major change.  I gave up alot of things that I loved.  Even people.  I think I was depressed for the first year we lived here.  Of course friendships should be able to stand the test of distance but most if not all didn't.  Even with family.  So this change was something I did not anticipate to that extent.  I suppose the best part of this whole change was our first year here.  We were five people crammed in a small apartment with a dog and some of our worldly possessions.  We spent all of our after school and weekends together doing stuff.  We were starting over.  I think the change that was the most difficult has been the loss of my contact with my family.  For various reasons the distance has been overwhelming and difficult to overcome.     
     So now at this time of my life I find another change that is similar to times of the past but still very fresh.  This change hits right in the heart of all that I am.  This change you may ask is a big one--- I assure you it is.  My girls are older and growing up and away from home.  There it is!!  The empty nest has happened.  Oh I always knew this would happen and even verbalized it.  I planned and prepared for it and welcomed it.  This is good I would say.  This is what we raise our kids to do.  I still believe that but when it actually happens it gives me reason to stop and pause.  This was the first year that 2 of our 3 girls were not able to be here for Thanksgiving.  that was good because they are pursuing what they need and want to do in life.  That is and was a big change for me.  I didn't prepare the foods they would have liked to eat, I didn't get to do their laundry when they would have been here, I didn't get to sit with them and hear them all talk at once and laugh -- loud -- like we all do.  This again is a good change but still tough in some ways.  I want my girls to go out and do what makes then have a purpose, what makes them tick.  I know them and I know they have to do this.  So I hope with these changes past and those to come that I will embrace and walk head on into them and come out the other side still the person I am and ready to take on the next change whatever and wherever it leads me..  I love my girls!!      

The Killer B's

    As a child growing up in Saskatchewan and Nova Scotia I lived with family members who were quite adept at making nicknames for others.  Surprisingly enough most of their names stuck and most were appropriate.  I was always amazed at how these individuals could do this so well as I never had an ounce of creativity towards this end.  As I matured and got married and now have children I have come to realize that this is definitely a family trait--handed down by generations.  I have 3 daughters who have carried on the family tradition of nicknaming those they are related to or are friends with. Most of these names have special meaning and are fond remembrances of these people and what they mean by the use of the name.  Pretty harmless!!!  Right???
     Today's society demonstrates this in many ways and most are not attractive.  As a woman in today's society having to deal with all of the issues and inequalities I have raised 3 daughters to be fine women.  I have had great role models and great support from my husband.  I am traditional, conservative and have raised my girls in much the same way I was raised.  It worked out well for me so what's the harm?  The harm is that society today feels the need to comment on you and everything you are.  In return they don't want your answer or a comment back.  Of course I can't help myself and respond and thus the labels, names are placed upon me.  Case in point.  I had a great role model and her name was Mary.  She was physically small but you knew when she was near.  She spoke softly but when it required firmness she never hesitated.She lived her life with purpose and meaning and was genuine in everything.  I was shown by her to live life honestly and with integrity.  I have been   a nurse for 20 plus years and have been quite successful.  The interesting thing that I find lately is that people that you only work with have the audacity  to think they know you and make statements about you that  are not only inaccurate but totally not who I am.  I know people at work a a superficial level.  That's how I like it and that's how I roll.  I am aggressive and assertive and I know what I want and who I am.  I have lived my life and been present in the living and have made definite choices.  So why the name "killer B's"???Lately I have found at work that people like me --mostly women who are aggressive, assertive and know how to do the job and don't compromise their position or who they are for any reason are labeled--bitch.  Interesting!! We call men who  have these same attributes leaders, strong, confident.  So like I have said I have raised 3 daughters with these same traits --and I am so proud because they will know who they are and what they want and where they are going and they will be leaders and they will be confident- no matter the 'nickname.'  Thus we are the 'Killer B's.     

How It Came to Be.

The other day at work one of my collegues was relating a story about a nurse calling a patient and was not sure about pronouncing the name. This nurse tried everything and no one came forward. The nurse retreated to the office and after some time came to recall the patient. A lady stood up and came forward and with her hand in the air started to point out her name by spelling it. The name started with three letters and then there was something I had never heard before--and this is why I have decided to blog. She then included in the spelling of her name an 'upper comma' and then finished spelling her name.
I have lived with the infamous 'upper comma' for 28 years and have never heard this before. I was always told it was an apostrophe. Silly me!! We have had our share of problems with this 'upper comma'. Most people ignore it and never include it in our last name. Some think each member of our family has a middle name that starts with the same initial and the 'upper comma' is ignored. Some computer programs don't acknowledge the 'upper comma; and so when one of our kids went to university they couldn't admit her with the 'upper comma'. Oh 'upper comma' what shall we do with you?
I was always taught your name is yours and yours alone and it is to be respected. When I was younger I always corrected people for any misspelling or wrong pronouncing of our name. Now as I am older I think it amusing that I should have enjoyed the 'upper comma' all along. Who knew it could be so much fun.
This is why I have decided to blog --to have fun and enjoy some of the ridiculous and lighter times in life.