Settling.!!!

    So I had a conversation with someone this morning.  She told me she got engaged
recently. I congratulated her. Throughtout our conversation she told me he was a nice guy. She told me some of his good points and his not so good points.  Then she told me that she loved him but she wasnt head over heels in love with him... it was comfortable.... I'm settling..she said.  I guess I was surprised on some level because no one has ever said that about the person they are going to marry.  So it has sent me on a self examination ... what have I settled for in my life.
     I looked at the major events in my life. I am luckey .  I did marry the love of my life.  We've been married coming up on 33 years.  We knew early into our relationship that we had so many things in common but also so many things not.  Its been interesting through the years... many difficult times and as many happy,joyous times.. but I can honestly say I would never have traded what I have in my soul mate for   a " nice guy."  He is and has been more than I could have asked for in a life long partner.  He's everything good, upright, stable, sensible... need I say more.  He's not perfect but he's my perfect compliment.  I'm so glad I didn't settle for just anyone.
     I chose to become a nurse many years ago. Many people told I couldn't do it. I wasn't smart enough.  So maybe just because of that challenge I became a nurse.  I've been a nurse for 32 years.  I don' t think I settled.  I do like being a nurse. I feel I've made a difference in peoples lives at their most vulnerable. I'm proud of my career and that I didn't settle for another career.
     I have 3 great daughters.  They are all different and unique and so much fun... most of the time.  They are making their way in this world and I know I have taught them not to settle... for anything or anyone.  Go after what it is you want.  Don't settle for or because of anyone.  Map your life out how you want it to be.
     Of course there are times we all settle for some reason or another.  We settle an impass with someone to keep things from going off the rails.We settle when something happens  that was not your fault so that things can move forward.  We settle on so many things daily.
     I wondered why she would choose to settle in marriage. I felt sad for her.  She doesn't want to spend her life alone and he's a nice guy.  I don't judge her but it's made me question myself.  What have  I let slip in my life... what haven't I fought hard for like I did when I was younger? What have I put aside because I don't want the hassle to deal with it?
     The interesting thing is she knows she's settling and she's o.k. with that. I don't know that I could.  The challenge that I've given myself is to live my life specifically... to not settle...to know that I have made a decision to the best of my ability regarding any issue I have to deal with. To continue to challenge myself and live life to the fullest not taking anything for granted.. to be happy.

Decisions? Easy or Hard- Who Decides?

     So much of our everyday is about decisions.  We decide when to get up when to go out what to wear  and on and on.  It's an endless process of decisions.  Most decisions we make are just routine.  When to get up,we decide what to eat, what to wear etc.  Most of our day goes by without thought but the decisions are made just the same.  Some decisions are made easier than others.  Some decisions we don't even acknowledge but we just do day after day.
     Every part of our life is invaded by decisions whether we think so or not.  I started helping our girls along this process when they were in school.  Of course when they were in elementary school they could pick out clothes to wear and sometimes their decision  stood and other times we guided them to a more appropriate choice.(although who doesn't like stripes and polka dots) When it came to friends they were with we were quite pickey.  Our middle daughter has always been very social and sometimes some of her decisions in her younger years may not have been what we wanted.  She  at one time told us she would be in one place and was somewhere else and of course this wasn't at all o.k. with us.  When confronted she wasn't understanding how we were upset and when we restricted her access to certain friends she was upset and gave us the cold shoulder for a summer.  In the fall when school started back up she saw some things in this friend and came and talked to us about our decision regarding this friend and thanked us for doing what we did.
     Not all decisions I have made or been apart of with others have felt right,good and sometimes they are just plain difficult.  Even though I am married these 29 years and happy, it was a hard decision because I valued my independance.  I still do but this was a good decision for me.  I have a great guy and 3 great, fantastic daughters.  My life is good!  I remember when my mom was sick and we talked daily about how she was doing.  I remember vividly when she said that she had decided to be"NO CODE."   I knew that her fight was over with ovarian cancer and she was o.k. with that.  Was that the right decision for her?  Of course.  It was and still is as I miss her every day and need her words of wisdom and help from time to time.  Sometimes  I just need to hear her voice and know that that's enough.  But that wasn't my choice and in some ways not hers.  She knew though that time to fight was done and she made the choice to stop fighting.
     We made a decision many years ago to leave Canada and move to the US.  We have lived here since 1996 and love it- it is home- and we have good friends here.  Our girls have grown up here and this is home.  We are Canadians and proud of it- that can never be disputed by anyone!  We have become Americans and are proud of that also.  Our lives are here and so are our girls.  We love and support this country.  We are proud to be Americans.  That decision was not made lightly.  Our daughters were all given the opportunity to do what they wanted and we all individually made the choice.
     People along the way have questioned our decisions.  Some have been supportive and many not.  It's hard to understand how people make the decisions they do but letting them know that no matter what it's their decision and they made it for what ever their reasons are is so important. I have struggled today with the questioning of one friend.  Questioning how I could leave a country that I am proud of  and will always be home.  Of course Canada had a part to play in who I am but more so than that are the people that I am from.  My parents, grandparents, relatives, friends. The start I had in life and the culture that I was raised in, the values and standards that I have chosen to be me.  I am all of those things wrapped in to the person I am.  The ground I stand on doesn't make me the person I am, it's the morals, choices, characteristics,standards, it's the intangible things that make me who I am. I suppose at this time in my life I have accepted where people are at to know that they make decisions and choices in their life for various reasons and it's not mine to ask or question why but to support them in their path.  Sometimes I wish I had more of.
     So today with decisions being made regarding elections I guess I have thought alot about my decision to be an American.  I still stand by what  we did and the choices made for the reasons we did. I guess it has made me think again of how we sometimes take things lightly.  I try not to and have always encouraged our girls to know what their decisions may mean to them in the future.
     I don't have to explain my choices for being and doing the things I do to anyone but understand that I will always challenge anyone who challenges my devotion to my country. I accept that people will question from time to time these choices but I would hope that friends would be supportive.  So I guess the lesson I keep learning is that not everyone understands or can be supportive.
    

THe Men in My Life

     Father's Day has been one of those days that I have enjoyed over the years.  I don't normally like these days but I do like doing things and buying things for my dad and my husband so this is a day I enjoy.  Men in my like have always been important to me for many reasons.
     I am the youngest of four kids.  The oldest a girl then two boys then me.  I was a tomboy also and loved to be where the boys were.  I hated to be feminine and enjoyed doing guy things.  I loved to play "their sports" and get dirty with them.  I had two strong grandfathers.  Strong in ethics and morals and just physically strong men.  My mothers father was from Wales and came to Canada as a young boy.  He worked for the railway in Canada and we would talk for hours about the railway and unions and all that was involved.  My grandfather had the best garden of any one I knew.  Everyone knew about his garden and his green thumb.  I loved going to their house to eat because you knew the veggies were from his garden and they were amazing.  He made his own compost and it was the best.  Everyone knew it.  He shared the duties in the house by helping with laundry and various other things.  I learned from him how to have a "stiff upper lip."  He taught us the  love of music and he was a great bass singer.  He always had an LP on when we went over to their house.  Opera or classical music was his favorite.  I remember most about him his  pipe collection and how they smelled when he would have a pipe.  He also loved a good meal and would savor every bite.  My dad's father was and equal in many ways and yet different also.  He loved music and was in many marching bands.  He and my dad would go hunting and fishing and bring home their catches.  I would always volunteer to help pluck the birds or the geese with my grandfather.  We would be in the basement of their house and he had this little black and white TV down there on a table and we would have it on to some show.  It was never about the show but just spending time with him.  He was also really funny.  When we would eat at their house the grandkids would sit beside him at the table and he would always make us laugh so much that milk would come through our noses.  He loved the lake and as a teacher he spent the summers out their with us.  He was a veteran and had been injured and all I ever knew was my grandfather with a limp.  That was o.k.  That's who he was.  He had this drawer in their kitchen that he kept filled  with candy,chips,chocolates and anything else kids like.  I always waited for him to give the signal before I went and got anything.  He always made my grandmother mad and that was funny as a kid.  I think he liked to get her fired up especially where us kids were concerned.  He was the originator of nick names in our family.  He had them for everyone.  Some were very endearing and only he could use them for those individuals.  My mom was one of the chosen and it was very known that that was only his name for her.  What a great relationship they had.  My mom really loved him and he did her.  My grandfather also loved dogs.  When one of our dogs got hurt at his hands  (definitely an accident) I had never seen him cry until that time.  He would never hurt a dog and mostly spoiled them.  I learned then that he was more than the man I knew and loved and his tenderness about the dog and us kids gave me a bigger understanding about how good of a man he was.
     Many years ago we moved to a new area in Calgary and went to a church.  W went to a meeting ab out a church plant and when we left the meeting an older couple followed us out and we began an incredible relationship with them.  They became like surrogate grandparents to our girls and taught and did so many great things with and for them.  The girls to this day talk about the movie nights and suppers with them.  How important you were to our girls john and that will last a lifetime.
     I married a man 29 years ago July.  Talk about your opposite, that is what we are.  But they say opposites attract.  Dan is a great guy, great friend,great husband and best of all great father.  We have 3 girls so he is all alone in a female house.  He has put up with so much but I think he has fared well also.  You name it he has done it for us.  He has always gotten along with my dad and the changes that have come with my family over the years.  I used to work 12 hour shifts when our girls were young and growing up.  So I would call him to pick up stuff for me after work on his way home and he would no questions  asked.  He would do the girls hair for church.  I bought a book that would show him how to do braids and whatever else they wanted.  They all had long hair and of course it had to be done.  He learned how to do the laundry(not always successful) and iron.  He was always a better cook that I was but he always did a great job.  The girls still talk about how dad cooks and makes meals without a recipe.(?)  Sometimes I guess a recipe would have been good but it always seemed to work out.  He always took care of me  more than I could have asked for.  When I had my major accident afew years ago couldn't walk or really do anything he was right there with me every step of the way.  When I felt sorry for myself after the accident he held me when I cried.  When I was afraid of PT he encouraged me to keep going and do what the professionals wanted me to do.  He worked at home for 3 months to look after me day and night.  I sill find it interesting that  no one ever called to see how he was doing except our girls and my dad and mom. He never complained.  He did everything as if  there was no problem.  He cleaned, got the groceries, made christmas dinner and everything that goes with it, looked after the dogs and took me to all my appointments with out any murmers or complaints.  I would never have made it without you Dan.  I love you and I feel humbled by the sacrifice that you have made  for  me.
     So the last man in my life I want to acknowledge is my dad.  We have a special relationship.  Of course daughters and fathers is unique and an interesting relationship.  I always wanted to be where my dad was.  He taught me so much when I was a little girl.  I would ride in the car with him and we would sing together.  I would stand on the bridge on the floor of the car while he drove.(that was in the day when you didn't wear seat belts)  If he was fixing something I was right there. I bought my first car a standard and drove it home by myself. He was worried but let me do it.  He showed me how the change a tire and how the car needed to be looked after.  I appreciate how he welcomed Dan into our family  and I'm sure he knows what that has meant to me.  When my dad walked me down the aisle when Dan and I were getting married he tells me I needed to smile since I was paying for the pictures.  Thanks dad, so glad I had you for that long walk.    I remember the festive times we would go out to my parents home for a meal with everyone and my dad would disappear for long periods of time.  I later found out that he would take our cars and fill them up with gas or change the oil in them.  I remember when I was pregnant for the first time.  I was always sick 24-7.  So Dan decided to make supper this one night and tried a new casserole out and it was not good.  Later that week my dad pulls him aside and says"this is not the time to try out new stuff. Keep it basic."  Thanks dad!!   My dad has helped us out so many times in many ways.  Having them come down the visit us and be with us while the girls were growing up was so important.  Our girls have learned so much by my dad sharing so much family stuff with the girls and just plain getting to know them over these years.  That can never be replaced and Dan and I thank you so much dad.  What a great example for our girls.  Any young man coming into this family has alot to live up to with a grandfather and father like our girls have.  What a great example  of how men can be with their wives, family and others.  Of course none of the men in my life are perfect-far from it but have shown through my life that being honest,genuine and having integrity can go a lifetime.
     So happy fathers day to the men I've had in my life and those who are in my life now.  You have made my life better and I thank you so much.

Mothers and Models.

          I've never been a fan of select days for a select part of our society.  Just like I have never been a fan of favoritism in the workplace, school or on the sports field.  But that is a whole other blog.  Mothers day is always a dilemma for me.  I always appreciated and so loved the things my girls would make for me when they were young.  To see their handy work brought a smile because I know they put hard work and thought into what they made.  They continue to make me happy with their time and efforts and how they show their appreciatioon and love to me. 
     I've been fortunate with the women that I have had in my life and the great role models they have been for me and for my girls.  My grandmothers were both great women and very different.  They were both constant in their love for their family and friends.  They were of a different time when life was not so complicated and time was spent in different ways.  We would walk many times over to my mom's parents home in our city and I loved that walk.  It was long but we walked over the bridge and sometimes the trains would pass under and as a kid that was cool.  The Dairy Queen was on the way and sometimes we were allowed to get a treat.  My other grandparents owned lake property and we were fortunate enough to spend our summers there.  I thought everybody  did what we did, had the life we did.  Ours was not a big deal by any means but it was a good upbringing.  We had fun in the summers fishing, swimming, playing sports and of course who wouldn't want to use the outdoors johns.  It wasn't even that bad because we were at the lake.  Such good memories.  We would walk on the railway tracks into the town to buy treats and games or comic books.  You knew it was a good wholesome time.  I have 2 aunts and they were also role models for me.  Both very different again with different lives but still some similarities.  They showed me their respect for their parents whenever we were together and that a sense of family was important.  As I got older other women in my life were just as important as the women in my family.  I will say right now that no one was perfect and I don't hold them to that standard but my mother taught me that life is about learning and it was my job to learn from those around me  in any way I could.  I had great women who became great models for me and our girls in the various churches we attended.  Pastors wives, teachers, leaders etc were all so valuable in my life and how I have learned from them and brought up my own girls. We had friends in Calgary who we met at a church plant meeting.  They fell in love with out girls who were elementary school age at the time.  Our youngest was preschool.  They were such positive influences for us but also showed our girls that family isn't just a name or blood.  Sometimes it's more and they became surrogate grandparents for our girls as we did not live near any at the time.  We dragged them to the girls concerts, to movies, they came for dinners, babysat, tie dyed shirts and even had Mr Bean nights at home with us.  To this day they remain important in all of our lives.  I've had many great professional mentors and role models over these 30 some years.  It's been great for the most part.  Some good some bad which in life is pretty standard.  I have a great friend who I cherish like a daughter.  We met 6 years ago and just hit it off.  She has taught me about committment, strength, loyalty, integrity-  all of the good things you want in a friend.  It was such a priveledge to support her when you got engaged and then to be present when she recently became married.  Such a good time and great friend.  My girls lost their grandmothers when they were young.  So some memories are faded or not there.  I try to give them some of this history to keep them aware of who they are and where they come from.  We have an important person in our lives and she is Karen.  She came into our lives 19 years ago and has fulfilled the role for my girls that they never had.  She is that grandmother that they wanted and needed.  She was never pushy and said that they could just call her Karen.  Any they do and that's o.k.  When the girls were little and she came into our family it seemed like she was always there.Our girls welcomed her.  She read stories with the girls, washed dishes, cooked , you name it Karen did it.  As the girls got older and we moved to Phoenix Karen and Dad would come to visit and we would drag them everywhere.Concerts, music sports you name it they were there.  So the lessons and the time spent will never be forgotten and was well worth it for us.  The girls still call their grandparents while they are away at college.  I wanted so much for them to have this role model in their lives and am so thankful they have had someone who has been so giving of herself to our girls.  Not to diminish any of the previous women and their effects in my life but the most important role model for me was my mom.  I have learned so much from her and now that she is gone alot of those life lessons that she tried to teach me then I understand them now.  She was my number one fan.  She was always building me up and as I got older she continued to encourage me in anything I did.  She and I talked daily near the end of her life and she would tell me things that I now know the reasons for.  She passed on many of her loves and I think of her often as I do some of the things that she used to.  She loved her family to the max.  She was always in the background but always supportive.  She was a great singer and loved good  conversation.  If she liked you you knew it and she showed you in many ways. She liked to read and to garden.  She took up golf later in life and was phenominal at it.  She provided for her family in ways that I hope I can accomplish half of what she did. She was a good friend, loyal, hard working, kind, strong and all of the other things that make you feel good inside when you now you have a great friend.  I learned from her that she accepted life as it was and was always thankful for her lot in life.
     I've had and still have great women in my life that continue to show me what it is to be a great woman.  I want to continue to show my girls that they are great women and can continue to be great just like the role models they have had and continue to have.  I want them to know that it is a priviledge to be their mother and how proud I am of them for who they are.  Each different and unique and to support them in their passions.  I want them to know where they came from and the heritage that is theirs.  I want them to know that they have my support, my love and help whenever and whereever they are for any situation they find themselves.  I am proud to be their mother.  Megan, Erin and Kelly I love you and thanks for the ride-it's been great.  Hold on for more to come. 

Judgement-Really??

     It's interesting how doing the right thing becomes the wrong thing or you come under judgement for life choices you make.  I've always kept as a  piller of my personal code of ethics that honesty is foremost and should be foremost in my life and is a part of who I am.  I think that standard was set for me early on in my life.  I grew up surrounded by people that I feel honesty and integrity were a part of the fabric of who they were.  One of my grandfathers would always tell me that " we are from good stock."  We just always did the right things.  Not perfect by any means but always striving to do better and be better.  I think if you have a standard to live by you always have a benchmark to achieve to.  My mother would always tell my brothers and sister not to lie and she always knew when we were.  So for the most part I always told her the truth and just stayed out of trouble.
     I met and married someone who lives by that standard.  We have always tried to instill in our girls this same standard.  I think for the most part they are good upstanding young women.  They were always amazed when they were younger and I knew when they were lying about something.  Great teaching moments!  So as we raised our girls we spent all of our time with them and giving them opportunities to do things that would help them in life.  There were trying times but the good and fun times outweighed them by a mile.  We may not have always done the right or best things for them at times but always with the best intentions.  We love our girls and always want and still do want them to be happy,successful,and have meaningful lives.
     As I hear stories of couples starting out with children I hear their stories and things have definitely changed.  I get asked questions about how we raised our girls and how they were through the years growing up and how the teen years were etc.  I try to explain that they were normal and  we  didn't have any major problems with them.  They all excelled in school and did the things that made those years memorable for themselves.  We weren't really heavy on  rules because they just obeyed what we said.  We treated (for the most part) each one as an individual and tried early on in their life to figure out what made them tick.  I think we were successful.  We know our girls!  We are privileged to be their parents and to have had this time with them. So I really find it interesting how we are judged and really have been judged all these years for how we raised our kids.  Early on people felt we should not put our oldest daughter in school at 4 years of age.  I listened to their concerns but we did what was right for our daughter.  She has always been driven and very focused and nothing she has done has ever surprised us.  So now she is doing a phd  program  and knows this is her life.  So proud of you Megan!!  Music and  sports have always been important to us and letting our girls choose their own way was important for us and for them.  Our middle daughter and youngest daughter choose music to be involved in.  They choose various forms and styles to enrich their lives.  They choose paths in school that were challenging but rewarding and has taken them to this time in their lives.  Our second daughter has studied abroad and travelled and has enriched her life with these opportunities. So proud of you Erin.  Our third daughter has been successful in her own way.  She has written her university experience on her own terms as she has most things in her life.  She has found that university takes hold in the third year and is rising to that challenge. So much more in store for her.  So proud of you Kelly!
     So why judgement?  I'm not sure.  Our girls are not perfect and never have been.  They were normal kids growing up and have worked hard over the years to be where they are at.  We have all sacrificed things over the years to allow each other to do and be the person that they want to be.  We did not have books or videos and lecture series on parenting.  We had great examples in our families and simply just did the best we could.  .  I can handle the judgements as I always have. So I make no apologies and will always be proud of how they grew up and proud of the young women they have turned out to be.  Love you guys!!

Anniversaries--Good? Bad? or just life?!!

     As people we are creatures of habit.  We mark our lives by events that have happened to us.  We hear a song and it takes us to a place, a person, an event usually in our past.  Generally to our youth.  We smell or see certain foods and we remember good times spent with those we love.  Sometimes we even see material  things that take us to a place we feel good, safe, happy and  all those other feelings you have with memories.
     This time of year is ripe with memories.  We think of our youth with friends and family and times spent, foods eaten, places visited and so on. Special  events are given more prominence in our memories and we usually pause at that shrine ( at least symbolically) as that event nears its prominence in our memory.  We generally call these events anniversaries.  Sometimes we can remember these events right down to the last detail and recall them with fondness.  We also remember anniversaries with pictures, video etc.  It's those feelings in the heart that picture cannot capture that is most important.  I remember when my oldest brother was getting married.  I never knew him that well when we were growing up.  Yes we were in the same house and went to the same schools and church etc.  We were just different back then and I suppose never really connected.  We have connected many years later in life and so that is the positive sidebar to that story.  When he was getting married it was my parents 25th wedding anniversary in the same month.  So his brides parents had a surprise party for them in the guise of getting together to finalize wedding preparations. Great memory . We received a picture in the mail the other day from a cousin.  The picture was taken prior to us leaving Calgary.  The girls were so young and my mother in law was in the picture.  That's an anniversary that we remember well.  We did not know at that time the change we were going to go through just afew months later with our move to Phoenix.  We all have different anniversaries that we remember.  Some are happy and joyful while others are painful and time only takes the sting away but the memory sometimes can take your breath away like you are right in the midst of the event.  My girls were young when my mom died.  Our oldest 2 girls remember her and some of the things she impacted their lives with.  She loved music and reading.  She had  a great voice-- no an amazing voice. She loved to read and would read with and to the girls when she was with us. Our youngest daughter learns about her when I tell them about her and we see family pictures .  She loved Christmas and  always wanted the family to have a good time together.  The sting of losing her sometimes is so fresh it's palpable.  The anniversaries of life achievements are awesome and help move us on in life.  This week I marked another anniversary.  It has been 2 years since I was involved in my car accident. These past 2 years were interesting now that I look back.  I realized more than ever that I have an amazing husband.  He stepped up and went way beyond what others would and have done.  He stayed with me at home for 3 months and made sure I recovered, my basic needs and more were met,he looked after our Christmas festivities and any other thing that came in our focus.  He sacrificed so much and never halted in any way shape or form.  He cooked he cleaned, did the laundry, shopped, looked after the dogs,went with me to all of my medical appointments and so much more.  So even though this is a anniversary I wish I did not have it solidified a truth that I always knew--I have a great guy, a great partner, and great dad for our girls and a solid man.  28 and counting Dan, Thanks and I love you.  

Changes

     It's always been interesting to me how we react to change and what that change does in our lives.  When I was younger(much younger) our family made a major change.  We moved across Canada for my dad's work.  We went from the Prairies to the Maritimes.  Major change.  Difficult in every way but the results down the road of life have been great and well worth it.  I have found that I love being by the water and find it so relaxing.  The places we lived were beautiful and the people were wonderful.  After some initial adjustments we were part of the community.  We belonged.  Like many I have been through many changes.  Obviously every day is a change and the possibilities are endless for change.  We've all heard that change can be good or bad.  Whatever!!  Change is change and I think the real issue is how we choose to deal with it. I must admit that I have not always done well with change whether it is one I have chosen or one that is placed upon me.  I remember when I got married I had a brand new car.  I bought it my self and was so proud of it and myself.  I was a student and was able to get a loan all by myself without my parents cosigning for me.  So I get married and we decide to put the car in both our names.  OMG!! You would have thought the world stopped or something big happened.  I cried and cried over that change and what that meant to me.  Yes I did go through with the change and obviously got over that little issue(thank God).  Throughout the years there have been many changes.  Careers and jobs, changes in addresses and adding children to our twosome.  Alot of change in my life has been planned.  I organize my life(for the most part) and try to maintain that in every aspect.  When we moved as a family to Phoenix that was a major change.  I gave up alot of things that I loved.  Even people.  I think I was depressed for the first year we lived here.  Of course friendships should be able to stand the test of distance but most if not all didn't.  Even with family.  So this change was something I did not anticipate to that extent.  I suppose the best part of this whole change was our first year here.  We were five people crammed in a small apartment with a dog and some of our worldly possessions.  We spent all of our after school and weekends together doing stuff.  We were starting over.  I think the change that was the most difficult has been the loss of my contact with my family.  For various reasons the distance has been overwhelming and difficult to overcome.     
     So now at this time of my life I find another change that is similar to times of the past but still very fresh.  This change hits right in the heart of all that I am.  This change you may ask is a big one--- I assure you it is.  My girls are older and growing up and away from home.  There it is!!  The empty nest has happened.  Oh I always knew this would happen and even verbalized it.  I planned and prepared for it and welcomed it.  This is good I would say.  This is what we raise our kids to do.  I still believe that but when it actually happens it gives me reason to stop and pause.  This was the first year that 2 of our 3 girls were not able to be here for Thanksgiving.  that was good because they are pursuing what they need and want to do in life.  That is and was a big change for me.  I didn't prepare the foods they would have liked to eat, I didn't get to do their laundry when they would have been here, I didn't get to sit with them and hear them all talk at once and laugh -- loud -- like we all do.  This again is a good change but still tough in some ways.  I want my girls to go out and do what makes then have a purpose, what makes them tick.  I know them and I know they have to do this.  So I hope with these changes past and those to come that I will embrace and walk head on into them and come out the other side still the person I am and ready to take on the next change whatever and wherever it leads me..  I love my girls!!